So, I was trying to have this conversation about this with my friends literally a few hours ago, but you know how it is when your friends have the attention span of a mother fucking goldfish and when you are about to open your mouth and discuss something they’re already searching for ‘Sh!t Black Girls Say’ on YouTube and talking about something totally unrelated.  As usual I was forced to keep my opinions to myself (or mutter them out loud like a crazy person), but thought I would blog about it later.  Let me just say that I don’t give a damn if you are offended by some of the things I am about to say.  It’s my opinion, and lighten up and take a goddamn joke (it’s not a 13-inch dick, don’t take it so hard). 

Anyways, this blog is about….ding-a-ling, tattoos.  Yep.  That permanently etched ink people get across their beautiful skin.  No doubt those of you that have them have heard the whole “It stays on your skin” forever statement, along with backhanded comments about how ugly and wrinkly your tattoo will look as you inevitably succumb to old age (if heart disease or a bus doesn’t kill you first), to which you have to come back with a defense like, “It’s my body and I can express myself however I choose!” *snaps finger and push weave aside*

Okay, I get it, there are some amazing tattoo art out there.  Art is an expression of the human soul.  I firmly believe in that.  However, some of the choices some people make, and the arguments they give to back up said choices, are downright stupid.  Look, fucker, I don’t care if your great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather was allegedly a chief of the Sioux tribe, getting a fucking feather on your ankle does not make you a full-blooded Native American.  You’re White.  You identify as White.  Your family consists of predominately European ancestors.  Stop glorifying an ethnic group to satisfy your own needs to be seen as exotic or “different”.  It’s racist and offensive.  I also don’t care how cool Asian calligraphy looks, getting the Chinese symbol for love printed on your ass cheek does not make you Chinese.  Do you speak Chinese?  Have you been to China?  Do you have any ties to Chinese culture/traditions whatsoever?  Are you aware that you are essentially taking another culture and mystifying an entire group of people?  You think someone in China is going to look at your ass and go, “Nice, this person gets us!”  No.  What is wrong with getting the word “Love” on your ass in plain ol’ English?  It’s the language you speak.  It’s the language you were born with.  Why not take pride in that instead of trying to create this unnecessary exotic image of other cultures?  Oh, and how do you even know it says “love” in Chinese?  Asian calligraphy is very detailed and precise, and one wrong mark means an entirely different thing.  It could say “Peanut Allergies” for all you know - do some research. 

Last but not least, I absolutely cannot stand the whole “It’s an expression of myself” argument.  Are you really that unable to open your goddamn mouth and express yourself the old fashioned way?  Do you really need an entire arm sleeve to show people that you are artistic and aware of what’s going on in the world?  Can’t you just tell your friends that you love Twilight and think Edward Cullen is the sexiest vampire ever instead of getting the entire book inked on your back and subjecting the world to the sight of sparkly vampires on your hip?  See this blog here?  I’m expressing myself right now.  There’s not enough skin on me for me to tattoo my every thought and opinion on my body, and I do just fine by writing or opening my mouth and telling people what I think.  That is expressing yourself. 

When I was fifteen I wanted a tattoo…badly.  I begged my parents to let me get a *ding-a-ling* Japanese symbol on my arm or wherever.  I was a fucking idiot, and I’m glad they said no.  When I turned eighteen did I run to a tattoo parlor?  Nope.  Nineteen?  Nope.  Twenty?  Nope.  I wanted the freedom to get a tattoo, but now that I have it, I don’t even want one.  I don’t see myself getting one…ever.  And that’s fine.  This is not a blog looking down upon those with tattoos.  I have seen some amazing tattoos, but they’re also overrated.  Everyone has one these days.  It’s a social trend, nothing more (sorry about it).  The art of getting something meaningful has become a rarity - it’s another social rite of passage meant to start conversations and get other people to notice how awesome you are.  Whenever any of my friends go on about a tattoo and the whole group gathers together gushing over pictures and ideas while nodding their heads slowly and taking a hit of American Spirit cigarettes after that swig of Budweiser like “right on, man”, I shake my head and roll my eyes.  Very few people get tattoos for genuine reasons.  So I ask you, if you are someone with a tattoo, what was your reason?

That is all.

Written by Arthur C. McWilliams IV